The 8 WORST Things You Can Say to the Ladies

If you want to keep the peace in your relationship, avoid saying these 8 things at all costs.

"20 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Manatees" on Funny or Die

You won't be impressing anyone until you start reciting these little known manatee facts.

Back 2 School

If you went back to school this week, hope you didn't forget your bike!

Leaked: MTV’s Approval of the Miley Cyrus VMA Performance

This email chain provides a glimpse of how MTV execs gave the Miley VMA performance the green light.

Dr. Phil's 5 Ways Breaking Bad can Salvage the Final Season

Dr Phil has some good advice for the Breaking Bad writers.

"A Template for Any Networking Letter" on CollegeHumor

Networking is easy with this handy template. 

Surprising Earlier Versions of Your Favorite Rap Lyrics

Before your favorite rap artists decided on the famous lyrics you know and love, they tried out some slightly different lines that didn't work quite as well.

"10 Things You Might Not Know About the Royal Baby" on Funny or Die

Here are 10 facts the mainstream media might have missed about the royal baby.

"5 More Interesting Ways to Announce Your Pregnancy on Facebook" on CollegeHumor

If you're pregnant and you are still looking for a new and exciting way to make your announcement, look no further.

"The 20 People You Encounter During Summer" on Funny or Die

1. Sweaty dentists.

2. Kids who get freckles in the summer and don’t realize that it’s terrifying.

3. Ice cream truck drivers who want you to die.

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"25 Mother’s Day Gifts to Avoid This Year" on Funny or Die

Mother’s Day is this Sunday! Here are some common gift ideas that are probably best avoided.

"Yo, Please Gimme a Letter of Recommendation" on CollegeHumor

Read the rest at CollegeHumor.

"The Warning Label Guy is Going Through a Tough Time" on Funny or Die

Sometimes a warning label is really a cry for help. Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"The Right Way to Request a Personal Day" on Funny or Die

15 Ways to Request a Personal Day

Asking for a personal day can be a good way to get out of work, but if your boss isn’t convinced you really need one, it could backfire.

"20 Things You Didn't Know About Dogs" on Funny or Die

20 Things You Didn’t Know About Dogs

If dogs are man’s best friend, you should really know more about them.

"10 Signs You’re in the Doghouse" on Funny or Die

Think you’re on thin ice with your significant other? Here’s a guide to know for sure.

Coyote

A coyote in my neighborhood has been following me around a lot lately. I figured he wanted to eat my dog, but maybe he just wanted me to draw him flying around in the sky with glasses on.

"In the News: Sinkholes!" on Funny or Die

What can I use to fill a sinkhole?

Any of the following items can be used to fill your sinkhole: acrylic or oil-based self-portraits, rollerblades, direct descendants of Wilt Chamberlain, Counting Crows concert DVDs, reheated Mexican food, second generation iPods, and beagle fur. (Just kidding—you won’t be able to use anything to fill the sinkhole because you’ll be dead already. Remember?)

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"Leaked: First Draft of Andrew Mason’s Farewell Note to Groupon" on Funny or Die

Now, on the way to the Terra Tubes, did our stock plummet, our desire for profit override our concern for the client, our customer base grow disenchanted, our public image implode at warp speed, and our entire business model reveal itself do be deeply and inherently flawed? Perhaps. In fact, yes—definitely yes to all of those things. But, again, getting to Terra Tubes on the first try... pretty good.

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"Possible Reasons Why Nobody Has Commented on Your New Haircut" on Funny or Die

Someone might think you now look like Ryan Gosling—if Ryan Gosling happened to be a blindingly pale, overweight nonentity with the worst haircut of all time. More likely is the scenario that the general population will now confuse you with a life-sized pile of steaming, diseased excrement.

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"Valentine’s Day Gifts to Avoid This Year" on Funny or Die

2. The robe your third wife was wearing the day she “drowned” in the bath tub   

3. A voice memo of you humming the bass line from the Seinfeld theme song

4. Enormous stuffed bear wearing an “It ain’t gonna suck itself” t-shirt, delivered to his classroom 

Read the rest at Funny or Die

"20 Signs You Should Stop Going To Your Office Happy Hour" on Funny or Die

4. You’ll do literally anything to be accepted by Kevin the intern—especially now that he has the really good bath salts hookup.

5. In your experience, your office “happy hour” could more accurately be described as your “uncontrollable-meat-sweats-in-the-ladies-room hour.” And yet, you continue to order the BBQ pork shoulder plate

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"Mandy Patinkin: Fact or Fiction" on Funny or Die

1. Mandy Patinkin is the same guy who said, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Fact. Before Mandy Patinkin became your grumpy Jewish uncle who works at the CIA in Homeland, he was your young, swashbuckling, revenge-obsessed Spaniard uncle in the 1987 classic, The Princess Bride. No one knows what Mandy Patinkin was doing between 1987 and 2012. No one knows and no one must ever know.

Read the rest at Funny or Die.

"20 Questions You Should Never Ask in Class" on CollegeHumor

17. Do you offer extensions for students who know they'll be pretty busy euthanizing dogs this semester?

18. Am I going crazy, or is everyone in this classroom quietly imagining what it would be like to dry hump me on a pile of money right now?"

Read the rest at CollegeHumor.

"28 Easy Ways to Instantly Feel Better About Your Life" on Funny or Die

"12. Find a new way to connect with people that doesn’t involve your uncut umbilical cord and a roll of packaging tape.

13. Narrowly defeat the captain of the ski team in a deadly race down the K-12 mountain and win Beth back."

Read the rest over at Funny or Die.